


Smells Like After School Special

by Cyrelia_J



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, Child Abuse, Explicit Language, Homophobia, Multi, Parent/Child Incest, Recreational Drug Use, Single Parents, Teen Angst, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-29
Updated: 2014-07-07
Packaged: 2018-01-10 11:23:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1159121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cyrelia_J/pseuds/Cyrelia_J
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kink meme de anon. AU 16 year old Alfred is a single father trying to raise his children alone after his mother dies- children that are also his siblings from years of abuse. Life is hard- but a hero never quits. Period piece 1991 USA</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note: This is a kink meme de anon which will be finished with a few minor edits. This is 1 of what will likely be a 3 part story arc. This story being Alfred centric, the second Matthew centric and the third focusing on them both. This story specifically is America/Ukraine with some America/Belarus and small America/Russia thrown in. Also England/Canada. That being said this will (after this story) get to America/Canada so while it can be read alone it might not end so happily in that regard. C&C is always welcome.

 

He could feel his heart beating faster as the man behind the counter took his ID and gave the cursory glance. Of course Alfred F. Jones was exactly who he said he was; he just wasn’t eighteen yet. He wiped his palms off on the faded jeans keeping the thin smile on his face as the cheaply made card was handed back to him. But no, once again the man simply opened the drawer and counted out the three hundred dollars in twenties and wished him a good day. Alfred nodded and as badly as he wanted to run like hell and get home in case Jonathan figured out how to get out of his playpen again and upset Selene or Jacob started crying and Jack really didn’t give a damn what went on in his room as long as it didn’t disturb anyone else but visions of all of his children bleeding out on the floor were assailing him and as soon as he was out of sight of the Exxon on Olden Avenue he broke into an earnest jog- better no one think he was stealing anything.

 

The money had started coming two months ago, one week after the unexpected phone call. He had no idea how the hell Mattie had gotten the phone number for the boarding house but he had. And as proud and stubborn as he’d been after his brother had walked out of the house and left them behind, he’d never been more thankful to hear the soft voice on the other end of the phone wishing him a happy birthday. Jack had pounded on the door and handed him the receiver complaining about him needing his own phone and yeah he was working on that one of these days. But as hard as the call had been, fondling the crisp bills in his pocket as the brisk autumn air hit his face it was worth it. Even if that little shit couldn’t man up and stop acting like a kid at least he was sending him money. Alfred had asked him where it came from- last time he checked, the old pervert Mattie was shacking up with was as tightfisted as Scrooge even if he was supposedly just as rich- but his brother wouldn’t tell him and it was probably better he didn’t ask. 

 

He was out of breath by the time he reached 1009 Brunswick Avenue and wondered when the hell he’d gotten so out of shape. When he was running track in middle school that would’ve been nothing but... Alfred sighed as he fished the keys to the front door out of his pocket and jogged up the stairs.  _Yeah and a hell of a lot’s changed since then, Alfred. Oh gawd I sound like I’m s thousand years old._  He took a few breaths walking up the stairs of the duplex and then broke into a run past Magdalena- he was pretty sure that’s what her name was- racing up to his room he thought she yelled after him about tearing through the house when people were trying to sleep. Well heck it’s not like she was offering to watch the kids for him so she could kiss it. 

 

His hands were already shaking as he put the key in the lock to his room, the front room of the old boarding house. He could’ve fainted with relief when he saw that Jacob was still asleep in his crib and Jonathan was thankfully still inside the playpen spinning around in a circle, stuffed penguin in hand. He fell down laughing when Alfred entered the room with a loud yell of “Daddy!”. Alfred smiled at him and knelt down, reaching over the walls and lifting him up to kiss the top of his blonde head with a sigh. He didn’t have look too hard for Selene. Eleven o clock was Price is Right and Bob Barker could work miracles with her that Alfred never could. Thank god the cable was split from the basement for all of them. Good. Good they were okay for now.

 

“Hey baby.” Alfred stood up again and threw his jacket on the twin bed in the corner of the room. He was careful to step around the row of precisely arranged blocks and picked the small girl child up sure to leave her arms free; she screamed if she couldn’t move them. As usual she didn’t seem to register his presence much and she looked away when he kissed her cheek continuing to stare at the television. She still hadn’t talked yet no matter how much coaxing she got and sometimes it worried him but what the hell did he know about kids? “Daddy sent us money again,” he said knowing she probably wasn’t listening but he just needed to talk sometimes and Mattie wasn’t there anymore to listen and smile at his stupid jokes. Like clockwork, he stuck a finger down the back of her diaper to make sure she was dry because otherwise he wasn’t going to find out until she starting making some sort of unholy noise and he  **really**  didn’t want to piss anyone off ‘cause there damn sure wasn’t gonna be another place to live where people were kinda friendly without asking questions. He couldn’t remember when the hell he’d learned how to potty train- was three too old for her?- but that was one they were still working on. Jonathan had gotten it a few months ago at a little over two years but he seemed to be pretty smart all around.

 

Alfred set his daughter back down as he toed his shoes off and turned the radio on thankful not for the first time that he’d brought it with him when he loaded up their Chevy Celebrity and never looked back. Jacob, for the longest time wouldn’t go to sleep until the last song on “And Justice for All” wound down, just like his older brother; at least it sure seemed that way because some nights nothing would quiet him down. Mom liked to throw it in his face how  **his**  sons were the noisy ones and Mattie’s daughter never even cried when she was a baby- shit lot of fucking nerve just picking whose kids were whose. Well wasn’t that just like perfect little boring Mattie? Perfect ‘til she found out he was gay and she went at him with that knife anyway to “cut the faggot out of him” or some crazy shit and then she wouldn’t let him touch any of the kids after that. Not like that asshole even cared, he just started staying out all hours of the night smoking that stupid pot of his ‘til he hooked up with that old pervert Professor Kirkland who taught at Princeton, la di da- fucking professor of what he’d love to know... 

 

_Did they just say bananas and potatoes or have I been watching too much fucking Sesame Street?_ They’d been playing that new Nirvana song “Smells Like Teen Spirit” constantly on the radio and that seemed to be one of their new favorites; where the hell he’d get money to buy the tape when it finally got played out he didn’t know, he couldn’t risk stealing it. Sinking back on the bed he took stock of the diapers in the corner and fuck he’d have to run out to the damn PathMark to get more later. Well his shift was starting soon, maybe Jack’s wife wouldn’t mind looking after the kids an hour earlier or later or something. The stupid laundry still needed to be done, he could see it piling up too but trying to take the kids and the trash bags of clothes even just across the street was just so damn much it-  _Okay, okay Al, pull it together they need clean clothes,_ ** _you_** _need clean clothes._  

 

And God he swore all his mom did was lay on the couch all day and watch soaps and pop pills only bothering to clean up long enough to give birth to Jacob but she must’ve been doing a helluva lot more than he thought she was ‘cause he didn’t remember having to do half this shit at home even after she’d pulled him and his brother out of school to watch the kids. Then again they went out more than they stayed home and for some weird reason his friend Toris still stuck around and hung out with him even with the little ducklings in tow. Come to think of it Toris and his friend Feliks seemed to cut school more than they were in it anyway so it must’ve been pretty shitty if a guy with three kids was better company.

 

Well that home though was a world away in New Brunswick and probably full of fucking squatters by now. But it was far enough away that no one would really recognize him and he’d never been more thankful that Feliks knew some people who knew some people when he needed to get the hell out. Alfred didn’t speak Polish or Russian for shit but that was good ‘cause no one asked any questions except Jack who didn’t give a damn about anything as long as he had cash in his hand at the end of the month. The old guy had given him what Feliks called the old fresh off the boat hook up, a job at Henry’s deli and a room for six hundred a month and the minimum wage was just enough for rent and food and thank god for his brother’s guilty conscience ‘cause this was all a helluva lot harder than he’d ever thought it would be. 

 

Alfred tipped his head back closing his eyes for a few brief minutes knowing it wouldn’t be long before Jacob woke up from his afternoon nap and they’d all need feeding.  _No wonder mom was out of it all the damn time..._  He could hear the TV going to commercials, some other stupid new show called Teech. Alfred took a deep breath wondering what high school would’ve be like if he’d actually gotten to go. And not even some fancy prep school, just any old damn place.  _Yeah if She wasn’t such a fucked up mess and Mattie hadn’t bailed. I hope you’re enjoying your life, asshole.._.

 

 

_The horn honked a second time as Matthew stared at him. Matthew now. Forget Mattie, Mattie was the stupid kid name that Al called him not the super sophisticated oh so grown up “Matthew” that ARthur called him. Alfred was blocking the doorway glaring furiously at his brother who was attempting to shove past him dufflebag in hand._

 

_“Al... I need to go...” Matthew looked half dead like he didn’t even hear the horn outside. He barely spared a glance to the hallway where the kids were still in the small bedroom. Alfred tried his damndest to keep his voice down but the way his brother kept holding the back and looking from the hall to the window outside he could almost tackle him and punch the shit out of him._

 

_“You can’t just leave us here,” Alfred growled and if looks alone could hold that selfish little asshole back..._

 

_“She’s dead, Al!” Matthew seemed to catch himself before dropping his voice again taking a step back, looking down at the stained shag carpet. “We can’t just stay here with... with_ **_that_ ** _.” And Alfred barely stopped the frown ‘cause the bitch was a lot of things but she was still their fucking mother once upon a time and not a “that”._ **** _Only Alfred had the decency to cry for her._

 

_“For fuck’s sake, Mattie, it’s Johnny’s birthday tomorrow, the old man can’t wait one more day for you to give him a blow job?”_

 

_“Are you gonna prop her up at the table when you cut the cake?” Matthew hissed seemingly ignoring the jab but Alfred still saw his shoulders tense as he clutched the bag harder. “...probably wouldn’t be any difference anyway...” came the mumble that had Alfred dropping all pretense of trying to be nice and reasonable as he turned and shoved Matthew back into the sofa._

 

_“Dammit, this is fucking funny!”_

 

_“Do I look like I’m laughing?!” Matthew didn’t yell much but he was yelling back, jerked up forcefully as Alfred tried to grab the bag out of his hands as he held on._

 

_“You look like you don’t even give a fuck! I know we need to go but... but not like this! Dammit just_ **_listen_ ** _!”_

 

_And in the struggle both of them went crashing to the floor taking the small round table near the door with them. Matthew let go of the bag, grabbed at his brother’s shoulders, and rolled them over. Alfred was gonna stay there holding the damn thing forever except his brother actually had the nerve to throw one of those slow, girly punches at him. Alfred blocked out of habit just letting go enough to give Matthew a chance to try for the door. Alfred grabbed his foot when he tried to kick him in the face._

 

_“Let go!” Matthew’s voice cracked as he kicked again harder but Alfred had already pulled his way up, pinning his brother’s arms because he’d always been just a little bit bigger and he held firm as Matthew bucked and yelled screaming right back in his face again._

 

_“You can’t just leave them!” And Matthew went rigid at that, breathing hard, red faced as he looked furiously at his brother. There was a stir and a small child- probably Jonathan screaming and crying for Alfred. He stopped struggling and Alfred knew better than to just let go._

 

_“They’re not mine.” Under the scrutiny of his twin’s gaze, Matthew looked away. “Mom was pretty clear about that, eh?” And there was that soft practiced stupid fucking Canadian accent good ole’ Arthur had convinced him to adopt so they could shack up and Alfred didn’t give two shits that it was him and not Matthew they were screaming for ‘cause as far as he was concerned-_

 

_“That’s fucking bullshit and you know it.”_

 

_Alfred planted himself firmly watching Matthew wince as the horn outside beeped again. “And you can go back to talking like a normal person any day now, Mattie. You’re Matthew fucking_ **_Jones_ ** _not Williams whatever the hell garbage that limey pedo’s been filling your head with-.” And_ **_that_ ** _snapped the other’s attention back because ever since that gross old man showed up Matthew was quick as a whip to defend him and no one else._

 

_“_ **_Arthur_ ** _is my boyfriend, Al and he’s the only one here who actually gives a damn about me. He’s the only one who’s gonna take care of me and I just can’t take-”_

 

_“You!? You selfish little prick in case you hadn’t noticed there are three babies who-”_

 

_“Who should probably be with a real family, Al.” Matthew exhaled frustrated as the crying increased and any second Alfred was gonna have to go or something and fuck his fucking selfish brother. “We’ve been over this a million times already. Arthur says-”_

 

_“Fuck that creepy old man he isn’t your family,_ **_we_ ** _are. I need you, Mattie, the kids need you.” Alfred let him go, ducking his head to hide the wetness he could feel in his eyes, blinking furiously. Matthew just lay there still, head turned to the side staring at the patched up drywall of the living room where their mother had thrown a lamp at him._

 

_“I want to go to college, Al. I want to get married. I want to have a normal life. Our_ **_brother_ ** _and_ **_sister_ ** _deserve the same thing and they’re not gonna get it from two high school drop outs playing house! Stop being a damn hero and use your head for once! Stop being a fucking martyr that everyone has to worship and look up to ‘cause you’re just as big a loser as I am!” And as Matthew went on his voice had grown steadily louder until he was practically screaming the last sentence. “You have_ **_no_ ** _idea what I’ve given up already!” He shoved Alfred off and snatched up his bag practically throwing the door open and whirled around just daring his brother to try and stop him again. “I have dreams, Al! I don’t want to live in your stupid Boxcar Children fantasyland! You’re gonna ruin them! You’re gonna ruin them just like you ruin everything else!” Matthew ducked his head and Alfred could see the tears through his own furious blurred vision and wondered why the hell his brother always had to say shit that hurt so badly. “You’re all gonna end up like… forget it… I can’t make you listen-”_

 

_“Listen, Mattie!? Listen I-“_

 

_“He said he’ll take you too, Al.” his hand shook gripping the doorknob hard as he finally wrenched it open. “For the last time… You don’t… you don’t have to do this the house is-“_

 

_“The fuck I’m bending over like some homo for a-” Matthew slammed the door on him and Alfred could swear he was kicking the thing hard enough to splinter for good measure. Alfred almost ripped it off the hinge himself too fucking angry to even think about apologizing after all the hell his brother was putting them through. “Mattie!” His brother ignored him as he reshouldered the bag and started down the broken up sidewalk of the front yard. The crying from inside the house was only getting worse and Alfred kept looking frantically between his brother and the house praying one of the kids wouldn’t wander off._

 

_“You can’t do this!”_

 

_And yeah, there was the old fucker just now getting out of the red Jaguar after the fiftieth fucking horn blow. Arthur fucking Kirkland- who had to be packing a pencil dick to be driving a car like that- looked over at Matthew looking_ **_so_ ** _concerned. Concerned when he was just honking the horn like a fucking pimp calling his whore, yeah he was concerned all right. Alfred could’ve knocked him on his ass right then and there._

 

_“Matthew, luv, are you-” Alfred ignored him entirely as he grabbed Matthew’s shoulder._

 

_“Dammit Mattie, so help me if you leave I am_ **_never_ ** _gonna forgive you!”_

 

_“Then don’t,” Matthew whispered where Alfred could barely hear him jerking away._

 

_“They’re yours too,” Alfred said, his voice breaking, grabbing at his brother’s wrist this time. Matthew pulled away again sharply not looking at him. “Stop acting like you don’t have anything to do with this, dammit. Tell me she never touched you, Mattie. Tell me she never did all the shit to you that she did to me and I’ll-”_

 

_“Goodbye, Al.” And he walked away. Without looking back, without another word, he threw his bag into the non-existent back seat of the Jaguar and left Alfred standing on the step with the children crying behind him._

 

 

And a few hours later the little asshole in question called almost like clockwork and didn’t Alfred feel like some hanger on loser practically waiting for the phone to ring.  _So tell me again, Alfred F. Jones how that never forgiving thing is going? You’re pathetic, Al._ He quieted the voice in his head as he heard his brother speaking.

 

“I can’t really talk very long.” Mattie’s voice was a hush and as Alfred sat on the floor rolling the ball back and forth with Jonathan he almost felt like he was in some kind of secret spy movie. His eyes flickered back and forth between both of his sons, Jacob in that bouncy whatchamacallit squealing and jumping and Alfred knew he was gonna regret it later when his son spit up but it was easier than running around after him even in the single room where half a dozen things were set to fall at any moment.

 

“ **You**  called  **me** , remember?” Alfred glanced over to Selene again meticulously sorting her blocks in the same pattern wondering if she’d notice not having a birthday party this year when November rolled around.

 

“Yeah I know but I... okay sorry sorry.” He took an audible breath. “Arthur doesn’t know I’m calling you and-”

 

“Is that asshole doing something to you?!” Alfred’s loud snap made both boys look up and he groaned when Jonathan laughed and parroted back “asshole”.  _Great, just great_.  _He’ll probably be cussing like a sailor by the time he’s five._

 

“No!” Matthew was defensive as always. Alfred just sighed. “It’s just… you know I left all that behind Al and Arthur doesn’t want me talking with any of the bad influences I used to hang out with... Not that you were a bad influence!” he was quick to add, “But I have a lot of work to do to get my GED so I can start college. It’s not too late to change your mind either,” he could hear his brother mumble that last bit hastily but he just let it go. It was nice just to be able to  **talk**  to someone again like a damn adult without having to turn the heavy accent filter on and he was gonna keep his big mouth shut for once no matter how annoying it was.

 

“Yeah... So uh… college, huh? Must be…” he swallowed the lump wondering where on earth it came from. “Must be nice.” He pushed the ball back to Jonathan making a face to keep the frown away.

 

“Asshole!” Jonathan chirped though it sound more like “asso” and Alfred almost felt like crying. 

 

“It’s wonderful, Al! I’m really excited. Arthur says if I work hard he can pull a few strings and fill in some of the gaps on my record and I could go to Princeton too. I’m gonna try real hard and maybe I can graduate in three years. I’d have to go to school in the summer but you know how much I always wanted to become a-“

 

“Jacob can say my name now!” Alfred cut in loudly just not wanting to hear anymore.

 

“Al...” That warning in his brother’s voice like that jerk was the one in charge here just ‘cause he was willing to whore himself out to some limey faggot for a fucking college education.

 

“He’ll probably say yours soon enough,” Alfred informed him with a forced mirth that bordered on hysterical. Except he already called Mattie “dada” when Alfred, depressed and sick of looking at the claustrophobic four walls, tired of hearing Jacob crying- just crying for god only knows what reason- put one of the old tapes in the VCR to watch some old crap of him and Mattie when they were happy and young and everything wasn’t all fucked up. He quieted and said “dada” more specifically when the stupid camera zoomed in on Mattie’s stupid face and why he said it then when Alfred was the one who held them and played with them and changed her and lived for nothing but them he wished like hell he knew because it really was... was almost too much.

 

“Al I’ve gotta go,” his brother said softly, pitying like he was just so damn pathetic and if the phone wasn’t a loaner from Dorota in the middle room he’d have thrown it out the damn window.  _Yeah, yeah I bet you do Mattie. Go have fun you stupid quitter and pretend you don’t have any-_

 

“Yeah. It was...” He swallowed another lump and squeezed his eyes shut as Jacob stopped his bouncing and spit up.  _Ohmygod I gotta get out of here just for a little-_

 

“Take care of yourself, Al.” And the phone went dead and he looked at the three of them with a big grin pasted onto his face trying to think in his crazy scattered brain where to even begin with his day off today. Well hell at least they had food and a warm house so he must’ve been doing something right. 

 

Not for the first time Alfred had thought of going back to the old house and at least grabbing the microwave but who the hell knew what was living there and driving without a license might be all well and good around here where a big dumb grin and an accented “no english” discouraged most of the cops but he wasn’t about to risk a trip back up north. He was pretty sure that everyone had outgrown their car seats and Selene was well behaved enough in the front but Jonathan was getting into some annoying hitting phase and some days it took everything he had not to tape his son’s hands to his sides.

 

Alfred sighed, leaving Jonathan to happily parrot “asshole” as he got up and picked Jacob out of the bouncer praying no one was in the bathroom. He grabbed up a change of clothes that smelled clean enough glad that he’d at least packed up every stitch of clothes he could fit ‘cause Jacob could wear Jonathan’s old shit and Jonathan was young enough he didn’t care about being dressed in Selene’s stuff and god he’d need to hit up the Goodwill and see if he could snag a few cheap dresses or something. Heh, ‘least he grabbed the radio and his posters except he couldn’t eat posters so really how dumb was he? 

 

Looking up, he saw Magdalena standing outside the door already in a bathrobe waiting with her arms crossed that perpetual frown on her face and he sighed inwardly but hey, Alfred F Jones could turn on the charm when he needed to and Feliks swore the kids just made him look cute.

“Sooo Maggie, think I could slip in there real quick with the kidlet and-”

“Thirty minute!” She exclaimed with a wave of her hand at the door interrupting him. “That man already take thirty minute and no get out!” He turned automatically as if that would magically make the door open as she continued her rant of how she’d already banged on the door and was going to be running late for work because that deadbeat was taking another one of his marathon baths. That deadbeat being some dude named Jerzey or Urich or something else depending on who was looking for him. Sometimes Alfred dreamt of building a giant robot that would reach in and pull anyone who was jerking around in there out through the wall.

 

Ah, but he’d learned a good trick that he’d been meaning to try and he banged on the door dramatically yelling.

“Hey man, there’s some dude downstairs saying he’s gonna fuck your shit up if you don’t give him his money. Vaughn or Vernon, I dunno but-” And he hid a smirk when he heard curses and banging and when the door opened and Jerzey ran out with the towel around his waist Alfred gave the surprised woman a small salute before running inside and slamming the door shut because he’d swear six ways to Sunday that his room was kiddy proof but he’d learned last month when he was fixing the mac n cheese in the kitchen- it was the only food Selene would eat for dinner without throwing a fit- that a fucking two year old would put anything in his mouth. Two days waiting for the dime to pass praying he wouldn’t need to go to the hospital listening to Jack’s wife bitch him out about being more responsible ugh.

 

He cleaned Jacob up lickety split, tickling him smiling genuinely when the boy laughed and it was good to forget for a few minutes that tomorrow he’d be up at the asscrack of dawn when the deli opened and that one day his kids were gonna want all the toys and clothes he couldn’t afford and want to go to school like Mattie. Hell he still had to pull together money for Christmas because he’d be damned if they missed out on that just because they weren’t at home and weren’t getting dad’s pension check any more. Of course there was that first year after he died that mom had blown that first big check on pills but they learned real quick to hide the money from her and get to the mail first and at least Christmas hadn’t been a total wash.

 

And Alfred breathed a sigh of relief when he got back to his room and Jonathan had contented himself with poking Selene and his daughter was steadfastly ignoring him- until he knocked over her stack and got a hard shove for his troubles and oh did Alfred learn fast from Julie down the street that unless the kid was bleeding out like a stuck pig not to run over like an idiot or else he’d start bawling.

_“You don’t see blood you don’t hug. Don’t coddle don’t say “aww” I tell you the bambini they play you like a idiota!”_ And all that had been followed by some other big mishmash of garbled Italian that he just smiled at nodded at and took the cabbage she’d given him for mowing her lawn fully intending to throw it out ‘cause that old woman had the constitution of well, an old Italian woman, and what she considered still good last time had given him the runs for two days.

 

“I warned you,” he said setting Jacob back into the playpen and even the high pitched yell of “asshole” didn’t deter his mood cause the sun finally came back out shining through the big bay window and hey today was one more day that he was almost through and just a few more days and a few more years and they’d be in school and maybe he could go to back to school too and they wouldn’t have to live in a room but a house again and his brother would come to his senses and live with them too and he’d meet and marry some smoking hot girl like Ivan’s sister next door and-

 

He was snapped out of his reverie by the sounds of sirens and he’d gotten used to hearing them at night- he’d heard them enough in their old neighborhood- but daytime was something new and exciting and the damn roof was blocking his view out the window. Selene was even showing unusual curiosity as she stood up and ran over trying to climb the radiator and well it wasn’t that cold yet so why the hell not?

 

“Alright, team, let’s see what’s going on!” He turned the stereo off, a little disappointed ‘cause they were finally playing some Pearl Jam but hey he didn’t want to be the last one out to see what was going on! His daughter was really turning into a little monkey and he’d been kinda worried but she was determined when she wanted to see something and her brothers weren’t far behind, Jonathan and Jacob about to tip that poor playpen over for the millionth time since he’d gotten it thinking it would solve all his free range kidlet problems.

 

He swore under his breath trying to get that stupid window to unstick. Dorota told him back in July when it was butt ass hot that Jack’s wife put a fresh coat of paint on  **everything**  once a year and holy god didn’t the woman take the old stuff off first? But Alfred always had been unusually strong and he’d already loosened it a few weeks ago. He just took a big breath, gave a heave, and watched some of the paint chips flaking off vowing to clean them up as soon as they got back in the house just in case they were lead or something like they’d been saying all over the new for the last few months. News was dull as dirt but he figured if he was gonna be all adult now he’d better start trying to watch it. Sometimes he tried to read the papers at Henry’s but he still barely spoke any more than rudimentary Polish and reading it was a whole ‘nother ballgame. 

 

Selene was already scrambling out and he scooped Jacob up with one arm and Jonathan with the other before that poor abused plastic pen tipped again he laughed as they squealed and kicked and one by one they all made their way onto the warm flat roof above the porch. Alfred looked over and saw that stupid Ivan had already beaten him out, giving a wave with that creepy smile of his and Alfred chalked that up to a victory for the Russian. Oh but it wasn’t a total loss ‘cause his sisters were sitting out with him- Natalya and what the hell was her name again? He knew she’d told him when he moved in or well Ivan told him more specifically but he’d been so busy staring at her tits he hadn’t heard a damn thing after that. But hey, Alfred still waved back as he sat down and pulled Jacob onto his lap his other hand holding the collar of Selene’s dress so she wouldn’t crawl too close to the edge as determined as she was.

 

“Looks like a fire,” Ivan supplied as Alfred shifted his attention between kids and conflagration wondering not for the first time if Ivan ever took that stupid scarf off. Yeah it was nearly October but it wasn’t even jacket weather yet and even Natalya was sitting there in those short shorts and a tanktop with sunglasses on and hot damn those legs were long. Of course he didn’t forget that she had some creepy obsession with her brother- half-brother she always corrected because somehow that was less weird. Ivan explained once that they had the same mother but that whore- his words, not Alfred’s- seemed bound and determined to bang a man from every country in the USSR and Ivan, Natalya and -god why couldn’t he remember her name?!- were the result.

 

Alfred looked out to the street to where the rest of the neighbors were slowly coming out of their houses to see what all the commotion was and he could see the smoke rising up with wide eyes. He’d never been this close to a fire before and there must’ve been two trucks and a whole bunch of cops trying to find someone who spoke English to tell them what the hell happened.

 

“Stupid old man and his dirty newspapers,” Natalya supplied as she fished a cigarette out of her- holy god should the kids even be seeing that?- cleavage and lit up. Alfred was gonna say something about the kids and second hand smoke but they were outside and all so it was probably cool. 

 

“That the dude who hoards all the cereal boxes too?” She nodded and Ivan lit his cigarette off of hers and then Ukraine- he’d taken to calling her that in his head remembering at least that’s where her father was from- leaned over to finish painting her toenails and he wasn’t really watching the fire so much anymore.

 

Alfred really tried his damndest to be a gentleman and not just sit there blatantly ogling her goodies but damn it was so hard when she was bending over like that almost falling out of the tanktop even with the bra on- and oh could he ever see that as well- and he probably would’ve looked a lot longer if he hadn’t felt Jacob squirm on his lap and wonder just what the hell kinda of father popped a boner with their kid sitting on their lap. He could only grin back red faced as Ukraine looked at him with that amazing smile and waved to them all.

 

“They’re so cute, Al,” She said as Ivan attempted to discreetly scoot away from Natalya with a nervous titter of laughter letting her know for what couldn’t have been the first time that she really didn’t need to sit so close. “I never understand how the mother leave you and precious littles ones.” Ukraine gave him that an older sister look that shouldn’t be half as hot as it was and Alfred never realized what great hot chick bait the little rugrats were.

 

Of course that also brought back the cover story that he’d given when he moved here. Or more to the point the real story behind the cover story and he almost froze as the image of the body on the bed that couldn’t  **possibly**  be his mother came back to him full force. It was almost like he was back there seeing her ashen face, seeing just how still she was and how small she was, the figure that had loomed above him like a terror for the last four years of his life and when he’d finally finished throwing up and calling every one of the pothead losers he knew Mattie hung out with-  _Huh, well that’s a surefire way to kill a hard on,_  he mused as he swallowed, the big smile never leaving his face.

 

“Haha, yeah I know right... Sorry, s’not something I talk about a lot.” He looked ahead to the smoke billowing out of the duplex across the street and the neighbors who shared the wall screaming a bunch of incoherent Spanish or Mexican or whatever the hell they spoke in Costa Rica.

 

“Funny thing was my brother and I were both sleeping with her,” he let out absently as the police stepped in to intercede between a young man and the old guy whose hoarding started the whole mess in the first place. He had no idea why he’d evened mentioned Mattie because really it was better if no one even knew his twin existed but fuck it. Not like the little jerk was ever gonna dirty his shoes by coming ‘round here anyway. “But hey, enough about me right. I mean you guys already know the whole story and-“

 

“I think that so manly of you to do,” Ukraine said as she recapped the polish and Alfred couldn’t help but draw himself up a bit straighter. “So responsible to take care of them like that.” Oh yeah, that was totally him and if a smoking older woman like her could see it well then who was he to complain?

 

“Haha, yep, that’s me. So y’know if you ever wanna-”

 

“Isn’t that your son about to fall off the roof?” Of course leave it to Ivan to ruin an awesome moment by pointing that out. Alfred swore, reluctantly letting go of Selene long enough to make a mad scramble for his unsteady two and a half year old son looking down over the edge of the roof, about to reach for a bunch of leaves or acorns or whatever the hell would make a little kid go totally wild, Alfred had no idea.  _God, look away for one damn second..._  

 

“Jonathan!” Alfred summoned up his best pissed off dad voice which had definitely grown more impressive since moving out on his own as he scooped the kid up half furious at Ivan half nauseous from the swan dive the boy almost took. 

 

“But...”

 

“No “buts!” You stay with me,  _capisce?_ ” That was another good one he’d picked up from Julie. “Behave or we go back inside.” He put on his best serious face glad when it seemed to take at least for the next few moments and he steadfastly ignored the smirk from the cockblocking Russian asshole. Fuck Ivan. Fuck him and his scarf and his fat ass and everyone that looked like him.

 

“Hey!” Alfred almost jumped out of his skin as Natalya screamed in that seriously scary bellow she had at the old dude who seemed about to get into again with some other Menudo reject right in the middle of the street. “You fuck up my car I fuck up you!” And wow they all looked up and took a few steps away from the black Toyota and Alfred was wondering if he should say something about her dropping f bombs like candy around the kids. Except they didn’t even seem to notice which made him wonder just how foul her mouth was when the kids were there the times Ukraine was nice enough to offer to watch them. And that totally perfect mother thing just made Alfred tally off another plus on the “why Ivan’s hot older sister and I should totally hook up”. Hell it was almost enough to balance out the con of “batshit crazy younger sister and douchebag brother”.

 

“So, Alfred, tonight is laundry isn’t it?” Ivan grinned at him and he mentally counted off the days... Thursday! Yes! Tonight definitely  **was**  laundry. Well really the way the kids went through clothes and spilled shit and got dirty he probably could’ve gone twice a week instead of once but every time he’d gone alone he could swear it turned into some crying disaster or a tantrum or god the time that homeless guy was like sleeping in there and he was trying to keep the kids from waking him up. There was also the purple underwear because sure everyone knew red clothes bled but blue? C’mon, how was he supposed to know  **that**? So yeah definitely easier with someone else even if that someone else was dead set on reenacting the cold war via Tetris but hey, he had a pack of Marlboros to put up against Ivan’s baseball cards and he was taking home the gold tonight.

 

“Oh yeah, definitely,” Alfred answered back with a smirk. “You better bring 2 packs tonight ‘cause when I get finished mopping the floor with you you’re gonna be running home crying like a little baby.”

 

“Haha, you talk big for such a little man.”

 

“Oh yeah. Well that’s not what your mom-“ Of course his awesome comeback was interrupted by Selene and Jonathan both screaming like monkeys in some stupid hitting fight that apparently got out of hand when hair pulling got involved and he resisted the urge to smack his forehead as he gathered his motley crew up with a groan and a silent vow that one of these days he was gonna kick Ivan’s Russian ass from here to Sunday whether that asshole was bigger than him or not ‘cause he was drinking milk and he was pretty sure he could squeeze another few inches out before he stopped growing because he was sure the other had to be at least twenty one with the way he drank- at least he hoped he was- so yeah, Alfred was totally gonna catch up to him and stomp that commie jerk one of these days.

 

“Oh my gawd that’s it! Everyone back inside!” He yelled at them both as he stood up red faced and in a rather amazing feat pulled both kids apart with a baby on one arm and only his left free corralling them all back into the open window.

 

“What are you two even fighting about?!” Great. The stupid window was sticking open and he could just see Ivan waving that stupid smug “I may be a dumb fuck Russian asshole but at least I didn’t knock up some skank who bailed.” He was wondering whether or not the kids would even see him give the guy the finger when a high pitched shriek broke out amongst the mess. Selene screamed incoherently as she kept reaching for what looked like the remains of some kind of insect mushed onto both of their hands and Alfred wondered right after realizing that no it still wasn’t an actual word why she couldn’t have picked up  **something**  because Jonathan was getting into that godawful “mine” phase and her silence and screaming was gonna be the death of him. _Oh man it was no wonder that deadbeat loser Jerzey smokes more weed than Mattie._  Dorota told him once the dude must’ve had like five fucking kids or something back home.

 

“Well it’s no one’s now!” He thought that sounded pretty damn reasonable and all authoritative as he leaned over to check Jacob’s diaper and attempt to get the other two to calm down before dinner ‘cause hunger had to be the reason they were acting all crazy right now. He felt a small hand at his front grabbing for the pack of smokes in his right front pocket with another childish cry of “mine” from Jonathan and Alfred just took a deep breath, closed his eyes and looked up at the white popcorn ceiling- Jack’s wife painted that too, the ceiling looking like stalactites with all the little drips- willing God or Thor or fucking someone to give him some damn patience.

 

“No that’s not yours,” he said exasperated while removing the hands on his jeans and going for his stereo cranking it way the hell up because no one around here worked third shift and if they were trying to sleep at this time of day the hell with them because he needed some Metallica bad. And as the guitar and the bass started the lead in for “Enter Sandman” he threw himself back on the bed making some vague gesture to both older kids to come over. “It’s mine because I have a job and go to work and pay bills and deal with all this crap and  **now...**  now we’re going to rest for ten stupid minutes and the next one who says mine or asshole or anything isn’t getting dinner or breakfast or food ever again I swear to god!” Which was a crock of crap and they probably knew it but at least they shut up and crawled onto the bed next to him two perfect little angels.

 

“No,” was the first thing that Jonathan said even as he did just that and Alfred just blindly felt for his head, ruffling fine blonde hair. 

 

“Just humor me, huh?” Alfred said wistfully as he let the drums carry him away and as he felt that pleasant warmth that came from that meditative musical state and felt Selene on his left lying almost dead still in that weird and tense “I think I wanna bolt” way but at least she seemed to be getting used to sharing the bed with him. They had their own room at home and it killed him that they had to all cram in like this but it beat the damn alternative and right now he was too drained to think too much about all of that. God did he used to get this tired before all this crap cause he remembered having a lot more stamina and energy. Maybe it was cause of all the damn working. Ugh he was probably horribly out of shape and wondered if maybe he shouldn’t start going to the Man’s World gym down the road but all those dudes seemed like a bunch of fucking muscle meatheads... or queers according to Ivan which was almost as bad.

 

He couldn’t even imagine how his brother was all into kissing guys- especially dirty old men- for fun or even any of the other gross and nasty stuff Matt used to talk about like it was the best shit ever. Well hell he wasn’t gonna start thinking about his brother again because that always just made him feel like crap so instead he just thought about the now and about kicking Ivan’s commie ass tonight in Tetris and how awesome kids were when they were quiet and behaving. He had no idea how the hell he just... just cared so much about them and worried and wanted to be everything in the world for them and wondered not for the first time why his mom never seemed to feel that way about them. No... no, he remembered being a kid and mom bandaging him up after all the fights he got into at school with that loudmouth jerk Gilbert. He remembered being sick and his mom feeding him and Mattie those egg noodles with butter and he remembered when... Alfred swallowed because he really didn’t let him think too much about the night the babysitter answered the phone and they found out that dad was in a coma and mom was in the hospital too and was almost as bad.

 

He really didn’t want to think about the pinpricks behind his eyes or the hot wetness rolling down his face when he thought about all that because it was like a million damn years ago and thinking about it didn’t do him a damn bit of good except make him wish she  **had**  died that day because the sad fucking mess she ended up turning into was a hell of a lot worse than dead. Alfred had no idea to this day why his brother hated her so damn much when Alfred was sure he got the worse end of the bad touch bargain and that little jerk was almost never home, but Mattie got all weird and quiet those last two years so he just pushed it aside. And pushing it aside was what he was gonna do now too because he had three awesome kids and he was like a few months away- fuck yeah he was gonna set a goal- from having a wicked hot girlfriend who thought his kids were cute and had like the biggest tits in the world and he had a job and a pretty sweet baseball card collection. Hell he was even lucky enough to get Nolan Ryan this last pack and tonight he was gonna bring it. 

 

Alfred smiled in spite of himself when Jonathan burrowed into him like a little cat and Selene finally relaxed enough to let him stroke her hair. His stomach was starting to rumble and man it sucked being piss poor like this but maybe he could guilt Mattie into a few more bucks next month and take everyone out to McDonalds like they used to go. Christmas. That was so his next goal. Christmas dinner at McDonalds with Big Macs and huge fries and shakes and everything! And he let himself relax thinking at least he could be flat broke in worse company than this. 

 

“Nomad vagabond call me what you will,” he sang softly, unable to help the smile on his face as Jonathan sleepily sang along with him mangling the words.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading! Getting murkier into the plot and definitely warnings still stand more than ever for graphic/offensive language, mentions of rape/incest, child abuse, and other sensitive subject material. Also way too many 90s references.

“You’re going where?!” Alfred could almost hear the wince on the other end of the line at the exclamation as his twin answered back with a grumble.

“You don’t have to shout, Al… We’re going to England.” He sighed as if he were trying to muster up all this patience- like _Alfred_ was the one being all unreasonable and crap and not the Pretty Woman wannabee jet setting on some euro tour with an old pervert who might have been a lot of things but Richard Gere sure as hell wasn’t one of them.

“Are you shitting me!? You can’t just leave the country you don’t even have a passport!”

“Well of course Arthur took me to get one but-”

“Dude I am so not letting you just leave the country?”

“ _Let_?” Alfred didn’t miss that change in Matthew’s voice oh yeah knew that dangerous quiet just like that time that Lithuanian kid went all psycho bully killing on Gilbert like that guy in A Christmas story. Course to hear that loudmouth tell it that was totally what he was trying to do the whole time was to get him to toughen up but yeah, Alfred so didn’t want to get into it like that with Mattie right now. _Yeah, “let”, Mattie. Let ‘cause you may be older but I’m the only one who ever seems to be thinking clearly or about anyone but themselves. Let ‘cause I never shoulda let you walk you the fucking door that night and shack up with Bad Touch Winston the Third I shoulda just burned the whole fucking house down._

 

_“Oh hey, look who’s home, I thought you forgot how to get here, Mattie? That dirtbag you hang out with finally run out of weed?” Mattie just shoved right past him like he always did and he really shoulda been grateful that Alfred hadn’t thrown all his shit out to make room for more kids stuff. It was a helluva lot more cramped since Jacob was born and now he was the third kid half walking and God was it ever easier to just leave the house entirely instead of trying to keep them out of everything. Alfred kept one ear to the baby monitor, one ear to Arsenio as he sat back on the couch ready to catch an hour or two of what he prayed to God was uninterrupted sleep._

_He could hear Mattie packing more shit up and yeah didn’t it figure he was only coming home long enough to get clean clothes. Alfred stretched and rolled over, kneeling on the couch placing a mental bet as to whether it was that Cuban guy or some other- holy shit it was a fucking-_

_“I don’t know when I’ll be back Al so you might want to find somewhere else to stay or you know likeIsaidamilliontimes call CPS before she goes off but I know you won’t so-“_

_“So what the hell is that parked outside, Matttie, your fucking pimp or something?” Mattie was kneeling in front of the stereo console looking through records his Jansport backpack next to him stuffed to bursting. Mattie ignored him as he grabbed out half of the gayest shit he could fine starting with Flock of Seagulls and probably ending with Depeche Mode. Alfred looking out the window again trying to see what he could fumbling for the table lamp thinking if he pulled the light chain maybe he could-_

_“Al,” Mattie whisper hissed in protest as Alfred waived a hand making hand binoculars to see if he could make out anymore. “Al_ **_please_ ** _turn the light on I don’t want him to think I’m some kinda weirdo.”_

_“So who’s the guy, Mattie? I can’t tell from here but he’s dressed like Mr. Belvedere. That your date or some old fart from the nursing home?”_

_“It’s none of your business, Al,” Mattie grumbled pulling the drapes back and turning the lamp back on. “So like I said...” He shuffled his feet looking nervously at the dark hallway. “I won’t be back for a few days orlongerifI’mlucky so...“_

_“So what else is new Mattie?” Alfred snorted flopping back on the couch “You’re never here anyway.” He reached for the can of coke annoyed that Mattie seemed bound and determined to block the TV. “C’mon, move it or lose it already, the house isn’t gonna fall apart without you so go do whatever the hell you’re gonna do with jeeves out there.”_

_“His name is Arthur,” Mattie grumbled as he went to retrieve the small stack of record and his backpack. “His name is Arthur and he’s a professor at Princeton.”_

_“What?!” Alfred sat bolt upright listening for the monitor, for any hint that he woke someone up but no nothing, thank God. “What did you say,” he asked more quietly, annoyed by that stupid girly smile on Mattie’s face._

_“I... I met him at the record exchange a few weeks ago.” Mattie ducked his head tucking his hair nervously behind his ear like some girl blabbing about her boyfriend. Alfred sighed and rolled his eyes. “ Yeah, right away. What’s a guy that old doing trolling for kids? Probably some kinda pedophile who’s gonna slit your throat and dump you in a ditch.” Mattie giggled and right then and there Alfred knew the little shit was fucking high like he always was. God he had no idea why he even tried to be decent to that little twerp! Mattie covered his mouth and looked at Alfred like they were kids under the sheets talking about being superheroes and that just made it so much worse._

_“He thinks I’m mature for my age,” Mattie said looking so much like a kid there was no way in hell that weird old fart wasn’t fucking with him. Alfred hated that asshole already. “Actually... actually what he said was,” Mattie affected just about the worst british accent Alfred had ever heard when he said “I don’t mean to be forward but you’ve got the most brilliant eyes I’ve ever seen in my-“_

_“Oh come_ **_on_ ** _, Mattie, even you gotta know a line when you hear one. There’s no way you’re really gonna-“_

_“He told me I’m... I’m the best looking bloke he’s ever set his eyes on I mean who talks like that Al? Arthur. Arthur Kirkland, that’s who.”_

_“Yeah I’ll have them put that on your tombstone when they bury you next to dad.”_

_‘Yeah, bullseye.’ Alfred watched his brother go all stiff like he really gave a damn, shouldering the backpack silently._

_“Maybe I just wanted to be with someone who actually cares about me, Al.”_

_“Don’t give me that guilt trip bull crap, you’re the one who spends all day sleeping with mom staggering around wasted like a zombie cleaning up after you.”_

_“...is that what she told you?”_

_“Yeah you know she’s even trying to clean her shit up. I think think she’s had an OD in how long. When I came home she said she was trying to stay clean for Jacob, trying to make up for...” Alfred trailed off watching Mattie shuffle to the door like he was the damn zombie._

_“That’s what she said is it?” Mattie swallowed and Alfred figured he might be feeling guilty for being such a little shit._

_“Yeah that’s what she said Mattie and I think she means it ‘cause she hasn’t been... you know it’s been...”_

_Mattie turned the doorknob just ignoring him after all and it was making Alfred pissed how Mattie never seemed to give a shit about anything but himself and his stupid pot._

_“You know it wouldn’t kill you to at least pretend like you-“_

_“Goodbye, Al.”_

_“Hey!” Alfred jumped off the couch as Mattie turned the doorknob. He didn’t know what the hell Mattie’s problem was but he needed a serious reality check and Alfred was determined to- Was he crying? No way. No way after all the hell he was putting them all through did he have a lot of nerve to act all- “Hey!” Alfred grabbed his shoulder. “Hey, dammit what the hell is with you, Mattie? I’m not letting you fucking leave like this just ‘cause you think you’re better than everyone else?“ Mattie just laughed at him some real ugly sound like he was gonna start screaming at any second. It was probably that stupid shit he was smoking._

_“That’s it Al. Yeah... yeah that’s it youknoweverythinganywayso...”_

_“I’m not letting you do this, Mattie. I’m not letting you run off-“_

_“Let?!” Mattie’s voice was soft, was whisper quiet but he dropped the bag and set the records down looking like he was actually gonna fight. They hadn’t fought since they were kids and it always ended with Alfred sitting on his brother’s head and yeah Mattie better bring it ‘cause Alfred was about to kick his brother’s ass six ways to Sunday. “Yeah Mattie, someone’s gotta man the hell p around here and it sure as hell ain’t you so-“_

_“So you’re a man now, Al? So you’re-“_

_“I’m not some little drug addict faggot running off with a fucking pedophile so yeah, Mattie, I am.” Alfred so wasn’t backing down, wasn’t gonna let his brother’s stupid shit keep going like this._

_Mattie just laughed again but he didn’t shove, he didn’t hit, he just took his sweatshirt off, took his shirt off and Alfred thought he’d finally ended up like those Reefer Madness PSA crazy druggie kids like on TV when he just stood there and smiled at him nastily._

_“I’m not a faggot, Al, remember. I can’t be a faggot. She cut it out of me, or did you forget that?” And then was when Alfred looked at him- he really didn’t like looking at Mattie now that he thought about it because all those scars were still there, still angry and red from months earlier when She went after him with the knife. Cut after cut Mattie told him in the ER, not to kill him but to... yeah... Alfred swallowed and turned away. He still felt sick to his stomach when he thought of how much he’d had to beg and threaten to get Mattie to say it was a mugging gone wrong and clam up when the doctor started lecturing him about the weed he smelled. Fuck why the hell did Mattie have to bring_ **_that_ ** _up of all things?“So where were you then, Mister Man? Huh?”_

_“Alright, Mattie, just... just put your shirt back and just-“ Matthew grabbed the bag and the records those eyes still angry, still hurt and as helpless as he felt Alfred didn’t even know what to say to him when he walked out the door._

 

Yeah, Alfred so didn’t need to be thinking of all that at a time like this. He still didn’t know if he was more upset at the way this whole thing turned out or that it was Mattie’s stupid leaving that tipped Her back into crazytown and ODing months later. and yeah, so not going there right now. Right now it was over and Mattie might as well be a world apart let alone in England and Alfred just... just hated the idea that his brother would be even more unreachable. _Alright, Al, dial it back already and just... just don’t screw this up._  

“Dude, you don’t even speak British or whatever weird pip pip cheerio language they talk over there.” He tried another tact not wanting to get into a shouting match. The kids were being good and quiet and Mattie couldn’t get mad at him over **every** stupid little thing. “Y’know they... they call the toilet a loo? They call cigarettes “fags” for chrissake like eat spotted dick pudding and-”

“I’m going Al.” All mature like he knew everything in the whole stupid world, yeah that was Mattie all right. “Arthur wants me to meet his family in Ipswitch,” Matthew sounded far too damn happy for a dickbag who bailed on his kids and Alfred just kinda marveled at how easy his brother’s moods went from a to c without so much as punting b in the nuts and it made him worry that Arthur guy was giving him harder shit or doing **something** but god how the hell was he gonna tell Mattie anything? “I mean I’m really nervous because I want them to like me but-“

“Dude you sound like a fucking girl.” Alfred twined the cord of the Snoopy phone around his finger as he sat on the bed eyeballing the three kids on the floor watching Rudolph warily. He still couldn’t get his brother to talk to any one of them even though the boys were usually starting to grab at the brightly colored phone when he talked. Sometimes he dialed the automated voice reading the time just for a little piece. The phone, thirty whole dollars was his Christmas gift to himself and like the most awesome thing ever. Of course it paled in comparison to a fucking world tour but he took his little bits of happy where he could get them.

“Shuttup jerk,” Matthew responded automatically. “Do you um… Should I… should I get you something? Like a souvenir maybe or um… for the um…”

“Y’know, you’re not gonna get struck by lightning if you stop pretending our kids don’t exist asshole,” Alfred snapped back annoyed. So yeah the second job helping Ivan out flashing roofs turned up some extra money for gifts and a tree- provided he kept the pine needles vacuumed he could even keep it in the living room for everyone- but his back hurt, his legs hurt, his hurts hurt and he wasn’t feeling very charitable. He’d barely had any time to spend with his own fucking children between working and sleeping and he only thanked god that Natalya was feeling unusually charitable in exchange for a few packs of cigarettes. Hell he was glad he was here instead of anywhere else ‘cause no one thought twice about letting them run around their yard while he and Ivan worked. Course they were getting a lot more wild than they used to be but he knew he only had himself to blame and he’d just have to work a little harder at it.

He heard Matthew sigh again and wondered why he still felt like a douche even when **he** was in the right and busting his ass to be a good father and all adult and shit while his brother just bent over the sofa or desk or wherever the hell that pedo liked screwing him and-

“Al…” They’d been over the same argument more times than he could count and it seemed like his brother had given up on rehashing it for now. “I… I hope you have a good Christmas. I’ll get something for… for everyone.” _And that’s it, isn’t it? You can’t even say their fucking names, can you? You were right there with me up when Jonathan used to cry at night. You were the only one they’d even stop fucking crying for before I finally realized the music did the trick. You were the one who used to bandage Selene when she’d flip out and get all banged up. God it’s like we’re just some dirty little secret you wanna scrape under the rug or something._

“Y’know a little money wouldn’t hurt either, Mattie. Didn’t you tell me last month that fucker was buying you a car?” And oh man he felt like some single mom begging her deadbeat sperm donor for diaper money but fuck between Selene’s birthday and Christmas and the boys’ birthdays coming up he just couldn’t stand to disappoint any of them.

“Al that’s not like allowance money I’m giving you... You just don’t...” His voice dropped all hushed like Arthur was lurking around the damn corner ready to wail on him or something and God Alfred wished he knew what the hell was going on in there ‘cause so help him if he had to take the bus out there and kick that fucker’s ass... “I have to s-... Arthur doesn’t...” he trailed off and sounded that weird kinda sad like he did when they were still living at home and Alfred was getting on him about helping out with the kids instead of staying out all damn night and he almost swore that Mattie was gonna say something important but just stopped. “I’ll get it Al.” Alfred almost thought he was gonna hang up real quick like he did a lot of times and he wondered why Mattie was embarrassed to be talking to him or something. It’s not like Arthur didn’t know he existed, but then again the shoe was on the other foot often enough when they were kids so it’s not like he could really complain. “Sorry... I really should get going because it’s getting close to ten and Arthur likes me to be punctual for bed so-”

“You have a fu-rigging bedtime?!” he blurted out thoughtlessly only remembering to curb the profanity at the last second completely missing the way that Jonathan kept looking from him to the TV motioning for him to hang up and come over. He just held up a finger ‘cause god he only got to talk to his brother like once a month.

“It’s... He gives me... He makes me feel... like... nevermind... you wouldn’t-” 

“I... I miss you Mattie,” Alfred cut in as he listened to a chorus of screams when the claymation snow monster appeared and it reminded him of the two of them watching the same thing ten years ago with mom making Christmas dinner for dad’s family and their cousin Peter crying when they started screaming and dad chasing them around the tree only half serious and... And if he kept talking then his brother couldn’t hang up and leave him all alone again and he could just pretend that Mattie was at a friend’s house and might even come home any second. “Hey Mattie... remember the year we went to John Wannamaker to ride the train and how awesome it was with all the snow?” Mattie didn’t answer and it almost made him afraid that dirty old man hung up on him but he was sure that somewhere in there he heard Mattie suck in a breath and he just kept talking. “Wouldn’t it be really cool if we went there again with the kids and like got pictures with Santa and-”

“You left me there.” 

“Huh?” What the hell was he talking about? “Dude have you been smoking that shit again ‘cause-”

“You **left** me there,” Mattie said louder and it sounded at least from Alfred’s end like his brother was doing that crazy shaking rage thing that he did when he was about to go off and say a bunch of below the belt stuff and- “You don’t remember?! The only reason it even happened was because of you!” Well no he didn’t remember and he wasn’t sure how he’d forget something like that but Mattie had a memory like an elephant where all those stupid things like locking him int he basement or eating his ice cream were concerned.

“Uh, okay Mattie I’m really sorry I brought it up ‘cause I just kinda forgot and-”

“Of course you forgot, you **always** forget! You forgot how you thought it would be funny to switch my hand from mom to that woman in the pink coat when we were waiting to cross that big street in front of the store.”

“Mattie I’m-”

“You **forgot** that the three of you just kept walking and didn’t even turn around when I realized you weren’t coming back and started calling for you!”

“I’m **really** sorry just...” _Just don’t hang up on me angry. Don’t hang up ‘cause I’m real scared I’ll never talk to you again if you do with the cars and trips and your new friends and that stupid fucking Arthur and if you’re trying to teach me some kinda lesson it’s working okay so-_ So maybe he must’ve sounded ten kinds of pathetic because his brother actually stopped mid yell and Alfred figured he prayed to St Monica for patience or something because Mattie sounded like normal again when he said,

“Yeah... I know you’re sorry... you’re always sorry.”

“No like really sorry. Like that time I put your underpants on the flagpole sorry...” Oh God why’d he have to go remind him of that? “Like I’m a jerk, you know that. You know I’m a total asshole and you always forgive me ‘cause you’re like the best brother ever right? Because you love me and can’t stay mad at me and pleasedon’thangup!” And it was weird sometimes how it seemed like he could **hear** his brother’s facial expressions but he could’ve sworn that Mattie was giving that little smile that he gave when Alfred was being just so lame it was “cute” as he would say- and how Alfred never figured he was queer always saying weird little girly stuff like that Alfred would never know- and forgive him and sometimes even share his Snickers for good measure.

“You’re a total dumbass, y’know that?” Yeah, Mattie was definitely smiling and it really made Alfred wonder again if that limey fucker wasn’t drugging him or something because usually his brother took more work than that to calm down but well hell at least one of them was doing okay for themselves. But Alfred just smiled back because he got all the kids new clothes for Christmas Mass and Jack’s wife was actually gonna cook everyone dinner ‘cause she said the tree put her in a good mood and he could so go for more of that and as much as it sucked balls climbing all those roofs with Ivan messing with him the extra money was nice. Maybe he could even get Selene enrolled at St Hedwig’s as like a charity case or something and they could get a good upbringing with the church like he and Mattie would’ve if they hadn’t been yanked out after seventh grade. Course fat lot of good it did his brother so maybe he didn’t get smacked enough with the ruler by Sister Theresine.

“If I’m a dumbass what does that make you, loser?”

“The smart one.” That was what Mattie always said back since they were little and it was usually while Alfred was grounded or laid up with a broken leg for doing something dumb like trying to Indiana Jones it off the roof with a rope while Mattie just ran and tattled like a stupid little stool pigeon. And right now he really wished his brother was here with him even if it would make it more cramped and even if he had to sleep on the floor ‘cause the monster popped up again and Selene screamed and threw something at the TV which just got the other two going and holy crap something was gonna get broke if he didn’t... God he didn’t want to hang up. He didn’t want to let go of Mattie it wouldn’t... god whatever it was it could wait just long enough. Just another minute.

“Hah! Yeah right you wish! So anyway I was thinking maybe you could come over when you get back and-“ He watched in almost slow motion as Jonathan got up and smacked his hand down on the phone base disconnecting the call and if it had been someone else he’d have laughed but instead he just looked stupidly at the receiver and then at the kids and terrified of the thought of his brother never calling him again busted out a big “What the fuck did you do that for?!” Of course no one answered as he hung the phone up real quick and waited for it to ring back because Mattie had the number where Alfred didn’t and god why wasn’t he calling back already and Alfred just whirled again red faced and screamed,

“What the hell is wrong with you?!”

Alfred had honestly never seen such a blank expression on a child’s face before. Sure he’d yelled and yeah he raised his voice and swore by accident although he never went off quite like that. It was really quiet for a moment and he was honestly half afraid his son was gonna touch off a chain reaction waterworks except all that time with Jack’s wife and Ivan’s younger sister must’ve really desensitized him to loud swearing or something ‘cause all he did was blink a few times and look between the phone and Alfred like he was trying to think of some deep philosophical answer to the question and finally he just said,

“Daddy talk too much.” And Alfred swore to himself, to the Virgin Mary, and Jesus and Joseph and like half a dozen saints to get him through the next eighteen or however the hell many years without killing himself or one of them. Oh god why was he having thoughts like that? Good parents didn’t have thoughts like that. Good parents didn’t think about chucking their kids out the window or just hiding in the bathroom the rest of the night or just running the fuck away ‘cause that was what lazy selfish shits like Mattie did it wasn’t what heroes did! Superman wouldn’t do that oh god even Batman would just...

And of course by this time Jacob was like ready to gear up the waterworks and Alfred just grabbed Jonathan and hugged him tightly and inhaled, exhaled, tried to calm the hell down because he was **not** a bad father or some psycho child abuser who swore up a blue streak at his kids and called them stupid like Toris’ father or beat the shit out of them every other week with the belt like the asshole Gilbert’s mother had been dating and oh god why couldn’t all this crap come with a manual or a hotline or something?!

“Oh jesus I’m sorry Johnny! Daddy’s sorry. Daddy’s an impatient asshole and I’m sorry I yelled at you ‘cause I know I’m not spending enough time with you guys with work and work and-“ And fucking sleeping and going to the bathroom or that half hour he was chatting up Ukraine on the front porch and he sank to his knees and reached out with his other arm and hugged Jacob to him trying not to cry like some stupid pussy because this shit was hard and he wasn’t… **wasn’t** gonna fuck this up.

“Bad daddy!” Jacob cried even though he wasn’t the one being yelled at and Christ the both of them just started wailing and Alfred swore if Selene started he was just gonna fucking join them.

Except that she just looked at the three of them unsure of what cue to follow and looked from her brothers to Alfred and just when he thought she was gonna join right in she looked at Jonathan with a frown as if she were searching for the words which had to be crazy because she only seemed to know like two or three words no matter how much Sesame Street they watched. Oh but she did and when she did he heard it loud and clear like she’d been talking for years when she said,

“You hung up on daddy.” And that did it. That fucking did it. He just knelt there looking at the ceiling feeling the wetness on his face as he closed his eyes and held the boys close and wondered just what the hell he did to deserve all this crap  _Are you shitting me? God I know I haven’t been the best Catholic in the world and I don’t go to church as much as I should and I swear and committed incest and fornication but God you know that wasn’t my fault so why you can’t just cut me some damn slack and give me a break with this shit and just leave me the hell alone already?!_

_“_ I’m daddy...” he sobbed out. “Not him. Me... **me!** ” _Stop crying, Jesus Christ just stop crying._ He had no idea if he meant the boys or himself at that point as he tried to remember to breathe and just not think about tomorrow being more of the same fucking shit or the fact that trying to jack off in the bathroom to either of Ivan’s sisters brought **her** face to his mind and had him dry heaving into the sink for nearly ten minutes. “I’m daddy, dammit,” he half whispered. “Who am I if I’m not daddy?” he asked no one in particular but God was really on one helluva sadistic roll because he heard Selene through the tears and the pounding in his chest clear as a bell say “Alfred.”

He was pretty sure that he cried harder than the kids when she said that.

 

Of course there was only so long he could cry like a little bitch before he realized how ridiculous he must’ve looked and funnily enough that actually stopped everyone else. And the boys hugged him and hell even Selene swallowed whatever weird touch aversion she had and patted his shoulder with an awkward “don’t cry” and suddenly things weren’t quite so shitty anymore. And Mattie called him back and he even got a call from Toris asking how he was so yeah he’d definitely had worse nights than that before. He didn’t stay long on the phone but if he could pick him up Toris was gonna be down with Felix for New Years and he’d already warned him that he wasn’t exactly in a position to party or anything but then again Toris’ idea of fun was Magic the Gathering so he supposed it wasn’t gonna be all that rowdy.

He was cleaning the small room the best he could. Ivan actually invited them all over- it was crazy how everyone seemed to know each other- but he just knew they’d want to at least see where he was staying and he didn’t want it to look like some seedy dive. He even made sure that he’d dressed everyone up all nice for company and so far they were holding at one stain and a run in Selene’s little white tights with the candy canes but all things considered it could’ve been worse. She’d fallen in love with the little brown Fisher Price tape recorder and was sitting all nice and quiet just staring at the little nubs spinning the tape as Belinda Carlisle played- god he didn’t know if he could listen to “Circle in the Sand” and Selene mumbling “‘round and ‘round” any more- but she finally half nailed the potty thing so he was just gonna roll with it. 

Right now he was trying to save up for a bunk bed so at least the boys could have their own bed on the ground and Alfred could sleep up top and then maybe they could rearrange stuff so that Selene could have some kinda space that was hers too. And god he had to plan for Jacob’s birthday in February and Jonathan’s in April- last time he ran into Gilbert at the mall the other dropout had called them Irish twins whatever the hell that meant- and see if he could use the dining room ‘cause there was no way they were gonna get lucky like they did in November for Selene where the weather was weirdly warm and everyone smelled the barbecue from the yard and came over.

He went over to the bed and fussed with Selene’s hair one more time. Magdalena had taught him some fancy french braid thing after asking him if he knew any other style for “that poor girl’s hair” other than pigtails. Where she thought he’d know girly crap like doing hair he had no idea but after she told him he was so dumb she could write with him she showed him this and a few other things. It turned out pretty good, he had to admit. Alfred examined the red velvet dress again and wondered if he shouldn’t throw on another pair of tights instead ‘cause he was really trying to make a good impression here because Ukraine was gonna be there too and just last week she was saying how much she was looking forward to seeing him and spending time with him **and the kids** and Ivan had told him she was like 22 and she had told him how much she liked children and wanted them when she met Mr Right. 

But hey he came with 3 ready made no muss no fuss and she would make a totally rocking mom and if they had a few too well... Well it’d be weird ‘cause there was this part of him that kinda thought just him and Mattie as being their parents but kids didn’t have two dads they had a mom and a dad or one or the other or like that one girl Elizaveta that he went to school with who had 2 “moms” except they were like 2 nuns or something who were raising her ‘cause her parents died.

But hey Mattie was like a thousand miles away in England and he had to think about what was going on now and what was best for his kids and they really should have a mom. Well, Alfred F. Jones cleaned up pretty nicely when he put his mind to it and he looked real quick in the mirror hanging up on the wall adjusting his vest for the millionth time. His hair was slicked back and he even had Dorota help him with the tie ‘cause he was seriously hopeless and he thought he made a pretty good look if he did say so himself. 

“So, team,” he started as he shot his reflection a grin and a thumbs up, “What do you guys say to having a hot new mommy?” He sat down on the bed as Jonathan chirped out a “who?” and Selene looked about as thrilled as she did about anything else he’d ever tried to get her excited about but then again she was busy stopping and rewinding the tape again. She seemed to like the rewind sound almost as much as the music. He just hoped that was some kinda weird girl code for “yeah totally psyched Daddy”.

“Mommy?” Jacob asked and Alfred was sure he remembered next to nothing about his real mom and thinking about it, none of them really saw much of Her when she was alive anyway; he’d tried to make sure of that. 

“Mmmhmm.” His grin was just about to go flying off his face it was so big as he stood up again full of nervous energy but hey, he’d just gotten back the other night from the most awesome date ever so he could afford to be a dork about it.

“You guys remember Ivan’s sister?” he spit into his hands and tried once again to tame that damn cowlick without much success while the three of them were waiting for the doorbell to ring. Maybe they should wait in the living room instead. And as he worked the thing and wondered if Dorota would let him borrow her mousse he could see Selene in the mirror slap the sides of her face and scream like Kevin in Home Alone. He’d rented the movie as part of their Christmas present; it was part of his too since Ukraine came along and let him kiss her on the lips when the kids weren’t looking. Sometimes he snuck a few sniffs of the pillows swearing he could smell her lilac perfume on it. Alfred almost choked on his own saliva trying not to laugh when he watched his daughter- she seemed to be mellowing out now that he just gave up on trying to get her to call him dad.

“Not Natalya silly!” he said through his laughter as he finally gave up on that stupid bit of hair and turned around. “His **older** sister, gawd.” Alfred rolled his eyes dramatically and just about melted when she smiled at him. She seemed to be doing that a lot since his Christmas freakout.

“Big tits?” Jacob asked and Alfred actually could feel the color drain from his face at that one. Holy crap of all the things for him to pick up it had to be **that.**  

“Haha… uh… yeah…” He picked his youngest up and flicked him lightly on the nose. “Don’t you even think about saying that in front of her.” He shot a look to Jonathan who was still being unusually good on the bed. “You either… hey what have you got there?” He thought the middle was being just a little too quiet as they had been seated like three little ducklings and he reached behind his son frowning as he saw the melted M&Ms all over his hands. “Aww man are you kidding me?” And a closer look revealed a few lingering traces of chocolate and he hoped the Jonathan didn’t eat too many ‘cause those damn things were expensive. A chocolate burp in the face made him realize if he looked under the bed where he’d hidden them they were probably all gone.

Okay so much for his private stash of goodies. _Note to self; need a new hiding spot._ Well there wasn’t a whole lot of time to worry about that now because it was almost nine and he knew that Toris was gonna be there any minute. And he was seriously debating telling Johnny that if he was gonna pig out on candy then he very well didn’t need any pizza but he didn’t need a tantrum tonight of all nights so he just let it slide.

“Alright, final check.” And he took a moment to look them all over and figured hey they weren’t perfect but they looked good enough and matched so he shifted Jacob to the other side up not trusting him not to fall ass over head down the painted wooden staircase and with one last look he led Selene and Jonathan out of the room and down the steps just as the doorbell rang.

“I got it!” he yelled knowing full well that no one else was actually racing to get the door but hey tearing down the stairs like a nut was the fun part. He jumped the last four steps before rounding the single step landing forgetting momentarily about his two oldest as he blew past the tree, Jacob above his head with a whoop of “B-52 incoming!” and leapt over the coffee table as Jacob squealed excited.   
”Incoming!” He heard from behind him and whirled just in time to scream, “Jesus Christ don’t jump, walk!” before Jonathan copied him and dove down the last 4 steps two. _Holy crap, thank god kids are bouncy,_ he thought half panicked as his son landed on all fours and just barely moved when Selene yelled after him and secured runs two and three in her tights. Well crap. “Hey! Both of you are-” He shook a finger as just as the doorbell rang again and cursed under his breath.

Alright forget it, one day of running wild wasn’t gonna kill anyone so Alfred just opened the door ready to greet Toris and Feliks and just kinda blinked stupidly when he saw his friend with some chick instead. 

“Whoa. I think your hair must be longer than Mattie’s by now,” he said brilliantly as the other teen just smiled.

“Yeah. I thought I’d grow it out.” He fished around in his pocket for a small box wrapped in Mickey Mouse paper and handed it to Jacob. “I hope you don’t mind I got everyone some candy. That place at the mall that sells all the bulk stuff was having a sale so-“

“Uncle Toris!” Alfred was almost bowled over as Jonathan having recovered rather impressively had picked himself up and practically dove through the doorway grabbing the other teen around the waist with a big grin. “Pwesent?”

“Hey midget I know you can say it right,” Alfred chastised him with a sigh, Jacob already tearing into the wrapped up hershey kiss filled box. 

“Aw but like it’s so cute!” Toris’ girlfriend exclaimed and Alfred took a second look because she really looked a lot like Feliks come to think of it. Did he have a sister? It was hard to tell with the dim porch light in the dark.

“Aw c’mon Toris, make him at least say it right,” Alfred protested as his friend- big sucker for kids that he was- just handed over the wrapped bag of sour blue raspberry gummy coke bottles. “Man you’re such a pushover,” he grumbled under his breath stepping aside as Selene looked up with a small smile for the “uncle” she hadn’t seen since August.

“They’re good kids, Mr America,” Toris teased as he handed her a wrapped bag of sour cherry gummies and Alfred grimaced. 

“Ugh, how many times do I have to tell you to stop calling me that?” He looked over at the girl again as she knelt down and fawned over Jonathan who was all too eager to play up the baby talk.

But hey he couldn’t blame his son because Toris’ girlfriend was blonde, gorgeous and had legs a mile long. She was wearing a red skirt like Santa’s helper and oh man those were thigh highs, weren’t they? Cause he could see just a little bit of skin and he couldn’t really see her chest through the heavy coat but god if it was anything like the rest of her-

“Hey Al. You like… gonna stop staring any time soon?” And Alfred blinked and when he looked again a lot more closely at her face it finally seemed to click and his eyes were like dinner plates as he looked back and forth between the two of them almost dropping his son.

“Holy crap, dude what happened to you?!” Feliks just rolled his eyes and pushed past and Alfred was definitely wondering a lot more about the skirt and what was underneath it or oh god was **wasn’t** underneath it and as Feliks looked around and Toris corralled the kids back inside Alfred sidled over to him and whispered kinda wigged out, “Dude, tell me you didn’t cut it off.”

"I didn't cut off my dick, retard, I just like thought I'd look cute." Feliks turned around letting the skirt billow out and really Alfred had to admit that he looked pretty damn good like that. 

“Yeah well… so are you guys…” he made a vague gesture ‘cause he really didn’t need to be going into all that birds and bees and bees and bees stuff just yet. 

“Well duh. ‘Course that asshole sperm donor-“ Feliks ignored Alfred’s shushing as he made a half hearted attempt to cover Jacob’s ears- “threw him out when he caught us making out on the couch but like we don’t need all that crap and mom was like pretty excited about having “a real son”,” here Feliks rolled his eyes, “So yeah we’re good. We needed the extra help around the store anyway.” He popped his gum and Alfred shot a sidelong glance to Jonathan to make sure this wasn’t gonna touch off another wave of profane parroting but his son was way too busy showing Toris all the crap under the tree that Santa had brought for him.

“So you guys still go to school right?” So far him and all his friends were like 0 and 3 on the dropout thing and it’d be nice if at least **one** of them finished high school good and honest. Feliks was busy looking at the ornaments on the tree, some homemade, some donated and a few even store bought. Alfred had taken all three to the mall hoping to start a tradition of ornament buying. **She** had trashed all the ones that’d actually meant something the year before she died when she was high on whatever another time that Mattie was off with professor pedo- he’d stopped keeping track of what she even did when he stopped hanging around the house so much- and he thought it’d be nice to rebuild some of those memories. 

“School?” Feliks was looking at an ancient handblown glass santa clause that Dorota had given him, running a painted thumb over the face looking thoughtful. “With all those homophobes? Yeah I don’t think so. S’not that hard getting a GED... isn’t that what your brother’s doing?”

“You’ve been talking to Mattie?!” Toris looked up from where he’d been seated on the floor excitedly examining the Hess truck that Jonathan had gotten for Christmas. 

“We haven’t heard from him since before you guys left, Al. But he was telling us even before your mom died that he and Arthur were-” And Toris trailed off as Feliks made a pretty lame attempt to keep him quiet, drawing a finger across his throat and Alfred just looked between the two of them suspiciously. 

“Okay... So I don’t know why my best friends seem to know something like that about Mattie that I don’t. Or more importantly why **I’m** only just finding out now... but y’know what it’s New Year’s Eve and I’m gonna start the year off forgiving and being all mature so if there’s anything else you guys know about him and that dirty pedo that you haven’t told me or... or anything else you better tell me.” He shot them both a glare and didn’t miss the look between them that really made him curious and suspicious before Toris stood up with a sigh.

“Al, you **know** we’re your friends but...” Toris trailed off and Alfred really wasn’t liking where this was gong when Feliks looked at him dead serious and said, “Okay so like does it really even matter if it’s all over with, Al? I mean shit happened and you’re here and he’s there and maybe you don’t deserve to know what a dick you were.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?! You **know** what a shit Mattie was and whatever the hell you think you know if I need to put the kids int he bedroom so you can be like a can of beans and spill-“

“Al,” Toris sighed. “Just... just forget about it. We know how you feel. We know what you went through and it’s just dredging it up and-” And so of course right then the stupid door was practically kicked in followed by Natalya swearing in Russian or whatever the hell language that was because apparently they were late and didn’t stupid wussy Toris just smile and nod and trail after her so dumbly that even Feliks rolled his eyes and Alfred found himself wondering just how much Mattie might have been hiding from him after all.


End file.
